Women give and give and give. We have been socialized and conditioned to be givers, which is a beautiful thing. But this week on the podcast, I also want to encourage women everywhere to become good receivers.
The relationship between giving and receiving is a symbiotic one. When we give, we allow others to receive—and vice versa. But for many women, there is a tendency to give and give and give some more. At the end of all that giving, those women are tired and worn out.
Join me for this episode to learn about receiving (even when it’s uncomfortable!), appreciation, and how to add positivity and light to your life through receiving. Being a good receiver won’t just allow you to find the holiday season more enjoyable, it will allow you to bring more of your brilliance into the world all year long.
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What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
- The characteristics of good receivers.
- Why giving and receiving bonds people together.
- How brushing off compliments hurts both you and the compliment giver.
- Why you shouldn’t worry about the past.
- How to stop giving before you become too tired.
- Why avoiding confrontation makes it harder for you to receive.
- If there is something specific that you want to hear or learn about money, business, marketing, or selling, send me an email!
- Connect with me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram!
- If you love this podcast and have enjoyed it for the last week or the last year, please go over to iTunes and leave me a review!
Read the full transcript now
You’re listening to the Mastering Money in Midlife podcast with Debbie Sassen, Episode 59.
Welcome to Mastering Money in Midlife, a podcast for midlife women in business to overcome financial anxiety and make more money, without burning out or sacrificing their families. Join Certified Life and Money Coach Debbie Sassen, as she shares practical business strategies and mindset shifts that help you dissolve the money blocks that keep you stuck in a cycle of underearning and undersaving, sabotage the growth of your business, and prevent you from building the wealth that you desire.
Hello, my friends, and welcome back to the podcast. I am so excited to speak with you today. We are at the very end of 2022. For me, it has been an epic year. We’ve discussed this in recent episodes of the podcast, and I had so much that I wanted to share with you today. And in the end, because of something beautiful that happened with my family, when they were visiting me in Israel over the last couple of weeks, I decided that I was going to do a quick switch of topics of discussion for today.
I think it might be a little bit late in the holiday season to be speaking about the topic of receiving and receptivity. But I decided I was going to do it anyway. And I know that God’s timing is perfect. There is somebody in the world, and that person could be me, who needs to hear the message that I have to share with you today.
So, we’re just going to dive in and talk about receiving and receptivity. I think it’s an appropriate topic of discussion for the holiday time of year, especially for women; and women are the bulk of the listeners of my podcast. Because women give and give and give. We have been socialized and conditioned to be givers, and that is a beautiful thing. Doing kindness and helping supporting others is a wonderful thing.
I want to encourage women everywhere, to also become good receivers. I look at the relationship between giving and receiving as a symbiotic relationship. When we give, we allow others to receive. And when we receive, we allow others to give. There is this give and receiving, give and receive, beautiful rhythm and symbiosis when it’s working equally on both sides.
But for many women, there is a tendency to give and give and give some more and over give. And then, after a cycle of giving; it could be preparing meals, keeping the house clean, cleaning up the dishes, setting the table, doing all of the things; that they are tired and worn out. They’re just feeling exhausted and frustrated at the end of it.
In my house, I am very, very grateful. When my parents were in town, in Israel, we had a family barbecue; which, in our family, is 30 people. And my boys, thank God have been well-trained over the years. They’re very helpful with all the things; the setting and the cleaning, and they run the barbecue.
So, I’m very grateful that whether you call it equality in the household, or everybody pitches in, or family-style, or whatever you want to say, when you have a big crowd like we have. And you’re feeding, you know, hearty appetites, lots of food, it is very, very helpful when everybody gets involved.
And I also know that that is not always the situation by other people. I really encourage women to allow themselves to slow down, and allow other people to help. People actually like to help; they like to support you. And when you allow them to also lend you a helping hand, you give them the opportunity to give.
You receive, they receive, and we actually raise the vibration of the planet. We bond together as families and as communities, and everybody feels good that they are participating and sharing. All right, that is my little rant for today.
And now, I want to speak about, really eight characteristics of good receivers. I think that there’s always something that we can be working on. And just notice how these areas show up in your life, and where you can tweak and improve and just polish up a little bit, as we move into the new year.
Because as you increase your power to receive and your receptivity, it also allows you, and opens you up. It expands you energetically, to asking for and receiving more money.
So, number one, a receiver knows how to accept compliments and gifts, and money. And, they are delighted in being a receiver. This is really what happened to me and my family. And, this is how I decided that I wanted to talk about receiving on the podcast.
My dad and my stepmom were visiting, and they wanted to buy us a brand-new Nespresso machine for our house. We did allow them to do that, and we received it; it is so much fun. We got the new machine that takes the bigger pods. I love it, that I can get a nice big cup of coffee with our Nespresso machine.
Our old Nespresso machine was also a gift that my dad and stepmom had brought, maybe 10 years ago. It was when Nespresso was really a new thing on the market, maybe a year or two into them becoming a thing worldwide, and being known and being noticed. It was before some of the other machines had come on the market.
They brought a machine to us in Israel. We have a big heavy-duty transformer that we had to buy to accompany with the machine, so that we wouldn’t burn out the motor. Because in Israel, we’re on 220 volts. And in America, the machine is on 110 volts. So, we have been using this older machine for years, at least 10 years.
And it is just so delightful to have a machine that, as I said, has the big pods. I can drink a big cup of coffee. I don’t have to put in three capsules or two capsules, and keep pressing the button in order to get my cup of coffee. I’m a bit of a coffee snob.
My husband and I, we now use the Nespresso; now that we have one that’s working again. Our old one, I think it was just filled with calcium deposits or just got old, because it, you know, had done its thing in the world. And we also drink coffee in a French press. We really are not into instant coffee; we like good coffee.
And when my dad offered this machine and he wanted to get it for us, I was so excited. My husband was a little bit more hesitant. He’s like, “No, we don’t need it. It’s okay, we’re fine.” I’m like, “No, no, no. He really wants to give us this gift.” My dad loves Nespresso coffee, he drinks it a few times a day when he’s at home. He has a machine, and he has a little one for traveling. It’s a big deal to him.
Allowing him to give us this gift, that speaks to his heart, and us being receivers, was exactly this symbiotic process that I’m talking about. It’s that when we allow him to give, by receiving he also received that joy and that pleasure. And it’s just this beautiful, like raising the vibration of the planet moment.
So, allow yourself to receive gifts. And of course, allow yourself to receive money, and be grateful and be thankful. And when somebody offers to lend you a helping hand… If you are having a holiday party and somebody says, “Can I help? What can I bring?” Give them something that they can bring. It can be the disposable dishes, it can be a salad, it can be a bouquet of flowers.
Whatever it is, when you allow people to give, and you allow yourself to receive, it connects people and it bonds them together. And the last thing that I encourage you to allow others to give to you, and allow yourself to receive, is compliments. Women have a hard time receiving compliments. Someone says to you, “Oh, I love your sweater.” You’re like, “Oh, this old thing? I bought it 10 years ago; I got it on sale.” Right?
We brush off and dismiss compliments that people want to give us. Or, somebody sends you an email and says, “Oh, I love that episode of the podcast.” And we’re like, “Ah, that was nothing. I just recorded it at the last minute,” or whatever it is. If somebody says something nice to you, if somebody says something nice about you, if something positive is said about the work that you’re doing in the world, say, “Thank you, I receive that.”
And really allow that person to feel that their compliment was made at the right time and the right place. Allow your heart to expand to receive the good words that somebody is sending in your direction. So, those are gifts that you can receive in terms of material goods, compliments, helping hands, and of course, money.
If somebody wants to give you money… They were the recipient of, let’s say, a free coaching session, or a free something that you put out, and they got so much value from it. They say, “How can I pay you?” And this happened to me, once. I don’t remember, a few years ago, someone actually sent me like $50, through PayPal. She got so much value out of the time that we spent together. She said, “No, I really want to pay you,” and she sent me $50.
I was so grateful and thankful that she did that. Can’t remember it happening, since then. But I’m going to have to remember, that for 2023, if somebody wants to pay me for my free time, I’m going to allow them to do that.
Alright, the second characteristic, that we notice for someone who is a good receiver, is that she is appreciative. What you appreciate, appreciates. So, pay attention to things going on around you. If somebody helps you, make sure that you appreciate them, and you say, “Thank you very much. I really appreciate your help.”
Somebody gives you a good word, or somebody you know hangs a picture for you on the wall, somebody helps you with your shopping, somebody folds the laundry for you, or does dishes for you, picks up something at the grocery store for you. Whatever it is, be appreciative.
I have a journaling practice, where I write down like, moments of appreciation on a daily, almost daily, basis. If you know me, by now, I’m not a daily journaler. I try to keep it up about four days a week, sometimes I actually make it five days a week. But what we appreciate, appreciates. And, I do appreciate my journaling practice.
Today, I was driving from my home to Jerusalem, it’s about a 40-minute drive; I had to go to the doctor. I was even thinking in my mind, “I appreciate that we have a car,” my husband has a company car. So, I appreciate that we have a car, we don’t pay for gas, we don’t pay for insurance. I was in the vibe, in the mode of appreciating what we have.
Appreciate the clients that you have. Whether it’s 1 client or 10 clients, or 20 clients, or 50 clients, appreciate every single one of your clients who is in your orbit, who is in your universe, and is choosing, on purpose, to work with you. What you appreciate, appreciates. Pay attention to what already is.
Characteristic number three of a good receiver, is someone who is living in the present moment. We’re not dwelling on the past, all the ‘should have’ and ‘would have’ and ‘could have’, and spinning out. Like, “If only I had done things differently. I wish it was like that. It was so much better back then.” What is gone, is gone.
History is never going to, you know, come again. Whether it was a week ago or a month ago or a year ago, live for today. Be in the present moment. You can appreciate the relationship, the times, the things, that were in the past, and remember them and savor the memories. But don’t wish that you were living back then.
Or, don’t fret over something that happened back then, and keep your head spinning. And similarly, don’t be fretting and mind racing and worrying about the future. Yes, we have to plan, we have to put things in motion. We do have to have a strategy and a forward vision, especially for your business, and how you’re going to make money, and how you’re going to invest and grow your money for 2023-4-5 and beyond.
But you’re working in the present moment. And you’re also, just with a forward-looking attitude, but you’re not wanting to be somewhere where you’re not. You’re not like, “Oh, if only I could just get past this and be in six months from now, or be in a year from now.” Be where you are, right now.
And appreciate the moments and the things that are happening around you. Right here, right now, today. With your family, with your money, with your friends, just be in the present moment.
Characteristic number four of a good receiver is she is someone who listens. We don’t want to talk and talk and talk, and miss out on what other people are saying. We also want to give them some airtime. And when we receive what other people are saying, without processing in our minds, like we have to jump in and we have to answer, but we just allow them to express themselves, we hear what they’re saying.
We’re giving them the gift of an ear. That is paying attention and listening. You’re allowing somebody else to be important and to have some airtime. So, listen to other people without the need to solve their problems. Maybe, they might be asking you, but sometimes we just want to talk and have somebody listen. And be on our side and be supportive of whatever we’re going through, without the need to solve our problems.
So, be a good listener. That’s a good friend. That’s a good parent. That’s a good spouse. Allow other people to talk and receive their wisdom.
I don’t remember what number I’m up to, I lost track, but I think I’m up to number five. I’m hoping that I’m gonna get to eight, because now I’ve totally lost track. So, enjoy with me. Receive whatever I have to give you. And, whatever number it is. Number five, I think.
All right, a good receiver knows when to stop. As I said, in the very beginning of the podcast, women can get into the cycle of over giving and overdoing, and just doing more and more and more. It’s also important to know when to not be in an overdoing, over giving cycle. Just allow yourself to give what is sufficient.
There’s a difference between like, over giving and over delivering. You want to be over delivering to your clients, and giving them more than what they expected, but that doesn’t mean that you are going to work, let’s say 20 hours on a project that could be taking you 8 hours or maybe 10 hours.
It doesn’t mean that if you are serving your family for the holidays, you’re just working more and more, and putting more dishes and more finishing touches, and more sides and more salads, and more this and that, and desserts, and working yourself to the bone. There is a time and a place when you stop, and you just allow what is, to be.
Because when you over give and you don’t stop, you’re just going to be exhausted, and you’re not going to be an enjoyable part of the situation. And then, you might have some resentment, or sort of like, you know, negative energy around the event because you’re just drained and you’re washed out, and you’re just tired.
If you want to allow yourself to be a good receiver, allow yourself to receive rest and peace and know when to stop; set a boundary and stick to your boundaries.
Number six, I think I’m only gonna get to seven and not to eight, because somewhere I lost track. Thanks for bearing with me. A good receiver is not a complainer. I have something written in my journal, and it says, “When you are complaining, you become a living, breathing magnet for negative stuff. And when you are appreciating, you become a living, breathing magnet for wealth and abundance.”
No complaining; complaining is this negative energy. It’s like angst. It’s like pushing against something, I don’t even think that I know the right emotion for complaining. It’s like, I don’t know what the word for that is. But don’t complain. If you notice something isn’t going the way you want, don’t put that negative energy into the world. We can keep our lips closed. Just be in the present moment.
Know what’s going on, you can set your boundaries to participate or not participate in whatever the thing is that’s going on. But don’t add other negative energy and emotions and gossip to the world by complaining. If there’s something that you can do to fix it, fix it. And if you can’t, just move on.
I think the last thing that I wanted to say, whatever that is, is that women and men sometimes avoid confrontation. And then, this is sort of like, you know, similar to that complaining, and then we end up carrying things inside of us. Because we don’t want conflict and we don’t want confrontation, and so, we grin and bear it.
And then, there’s that angst and negative energy about something that we’re living with. It’s churning over and over and over in our minds. If you want to be a good receiver, you don’t receive things that are going to cause you that angst.
If there is a situation that you can change, it might require some emotional resilience on your part to speak with the other person. And whatever the thoughts are, about the confrontation and the conflict, that you are worried about encountering.
But don’t live with that negative energy that’s inside of you. If there’s something that you can change, or a conversation that you want to have, have that conversation. Be respectful of the other person, but don’t avoid conflict. Allow yourself to receive whatever it is that’s going on, without just like, carrying the burden and holding on to it, and being in a negative space.
And again, if there’s something that you can’t change, we’re not going to complain about it. But you’re going to have to let go of what you cannot change, and move on. But avoiding conflict and avoiding confrontation is just the way that you were, again, sort of in that space of overdoing and over giving and bearing the burden.
It doesn’t add positive energy and light to your relationships. It’s just going to create negativity between people. We don’t want to add to that, we really want to be in a place of being respectful and loving of other people.
So, that is what I have for you in this holiday season. We’re at the end of December, where families are getting together. As this podcast is dropping, the holiday of Hanukkah has now finished. So, my family and I are sort of going back to routine.
But other people are celebrating the New Year’s, you’re still on holiday, you’re still traveling. It can be an exhausting time of the year, so know where your boundaries are. Allow yourself, as a woman, to receive from people the compliments, the help, the support, the gifts.
Really allow yourself to be an abundant receiver. Be receptive, receptive to what other people have to say, their compliments. Be a good listener, and just increase the positive energy and light in the world. And I wish you, if you’re celebrating New Year’s, I wish you a Happy New Year.
I will be back on the podcast in 2023, and we’re going to dive into a new beautiful year, and bring all of our brilliance into the world in the new year. And, allow ourselves to receive money for the gifts and the services that we share with everybody.
Thank you so much for tuning in to the Mastering Money in Midlife podcast for today. And really, I will see you next week and next year, on the podcast. Bye-bye for now, my friends.
Thanks for listening to Mastering Money in Midlife. If you want more information on Debbie Sassen or the resources from the podcast visit MasteringMoneyInMidlife.com.